For a very long time, I have never believed that there was a reason big enough to celebrate me. Yes, even on my birthday. I am just me, and because of my past, I did not feel that it was a good enough reason to let others appreciate who I am and what I mean to them. I think I always believed that if I was worth it, then my life would have been different. I shy away from any attention as it usually makes me feel uncomfortable. When I received awards or did well in athletic events, I shrugged those moments off as being insignificant all the time because taking a compliment was difficult. I am learning to say “thank you” when accolades and terms of endearment come my way. I down play it and try to change the subject and deflect if I can. Yesterday was my birthday and I started it like I do most of my mornings – with a run with Rock. However, yesterday was different…it was special and I will always remember it. As we watched the sun coming up, we took in why yesterday was significant…to both of us. Rock, yesterday morning was the BEST ever and I am so grateful that I got to share it with you. As we sat there and just spent time being together, there is nothing that will ever be better than that. TYFE. What I am (slowly) realizing that when I dismiss other people’s compliments and what they say about me, then I take something away from them. They are freely giving me their love and I am refusing it. I cannot do that any longer. It is not fair to the giver. They deserve to know that you have accepted their love, their willingness to tell you what they think and feel about you, and you need to receive it just as freely as it is given. I will admit…I do not do this well, but am working on it. Everyday, I grow into a better version of me. Each day, I try to do something that takes me outside my “normal” comfort zone so that there are less things that frighten me and cause me to doubt. Do you let those that are about you most take in the joy that is you? Whoever YOU are? Let them. It is not so much for you but for those around you. Even if it doesn’t seem real…even if it has never happened before…even if it makes you want to crawl under a rock and hide. Don’t. Embrace it. Take it in and let that love cover you like a warm blanket and give you comfort in knowing that you are loved and special and treasured by others. Let them celebrate you. You deserve it and so do they. They deserve you.
Michelle Homme 2011 ©