This process began as something unexpected, something new, something exciting, something fearful. In over 6 months, this journey continues to amaze me. Looking back, I am not even sure how I got here. Some of my biggest questions have been, ” How did this happen?”, “Will it go away?”, “Why me?”, etc. I have noticed great changes in my outlook and perspective on life and cannot imagine it being any different. Sometimes, I am upset when I feel like I have wasted time that I could have spent being here some time ago. But it was not meant to be. Recently, I have learned more about myself than I have learned in a very long time. I have reflected on my past, my present, and my future. As I have been willing to share more of myself and be less fearful, I have received more of others that have been willing to do the same. Since this all began, my vocabulary has changed dramatically. Positive Attitude (more to come on this), Perseverance, Success, Vision, Growth, and the list continues. Sure, these were words that I used in casual conversation, but never did they become the back bone of what my life would be developed to be. I tell people who just get to know me, “What you see is what you get.” That has never been a lie. However, it has been not a total truth because I have only been willing for people to see parts of me. Yet once the parts are put together, can one be whole. I have taken a journey I did not expect to take and have questioned, failed to understand the purpose (at times), been amazed by it, and have wondered where it leads to next. Someone once told me to “enjoy the ride”. I have been doing that. I have even just tolerated the journey because it seemed meaningless to me on that particular day. Then, yesterday, I was reminded to embrace the journey. Embrace – to accept gladly and willingly – is something I had yet to do as I travel on this quest. I had accepted this as the way it was, but never really took hold of it, as in giving and receiving a hug. To really hold on and not wanting to let go. To treasure it so much that I would never want to lose it. Depending on what is being given and received, some embraces we wish would never end. I am there.
Michelle Homme 2010 ©