I expect too much of myself at times. Not because of external pressure, but because of self-imposed pressure. Trying to be too many things to too many people and I forget to put myself first sometimes. I need to remember to forgive myself when I do accomplish all that I set out to do and be glad of what I did get done. Do you ever do that? Why do we do that? Because women try to do it all. I noticed this when I was cleaning up the dishes (after I cooked dinner) and my kids disappeared to resume whatever video game or TV show they were watching before dinner and my husband read over the sport page. I was not feeling the best and was not at the top of my game, but still got through…doing what needed to get done. Even when I had some “free time” this week, I did not use it the way I should have and felt like a failure as I looked at that as a missed opportunity to accomplish some tasks that are desperately in need of attention. I have to remember that I am no go to others unless I take care of me first. How do we find the balance? We have to learn “70 x 7” – and mean it. Not just say it. Do you know what that means? They say it is easier to forgive others than it is to forgive ourselves. However long it takes us to forgive those that have hurt us, it takes us “70 x 7” times to forgive ourselves. That is sometimes easier said than done. I cannot go back and undo the time I lost, so I have to move ahead. Today is a new day with new hours that have been given to me and I need to use them the best I can. This week, I received an answer I have been waiting for over the last 6 months or so. Although it was not the answer I expected, it was an explanation. With this new information, I will adjust to what needs to be done and with that may come a few apologies to myself. I need to hear that it was ok that I fell short and I will pick it back up tomorrow or when I can. Don’t expect too much — chances are if you do, you will be disappointed. You need to be forgiven as much as the next person. You need to be willing to accept the apology, regardless of who is giving it.
Michelle Homme 2011 ©