For the last 10 months, I have questioned what this all means and where it was taking me. Although I was unsure of where I was going, how to get there, and what to do once I arrived, I still went on this journey. I even appreciated it and learned to embrace it. I have become more free and open with who I am and have shared with you, even when I was fearful and nervous. I have evaluated past experiences and have determined that all of them have led to me to where I am now. Here is the thing today – I still have questions. I still don’t know where I am supposed to go or what I am supposed to do. I am feeling a little lost today and as much as I had lived most of my life with just going with no real direction in sight, today feels different. Before, I didn’t know I needed to go somewhere so following something I could not explain was new. Now, I am still on the same road, but feel like I have stopped at a truck stop along the way – not sure how long I will stay here or for what reason. I usually do my best thinking when I run in the morning, but sometimes that gets me into my biggest trouble too. I start to over think and that is not always good. I need to refocus on what it is that motivates me, what drives me, and surround myself with those people who will be there. It has been easier in my life to handle it all on my own and admit that I don’t readily accept help, therefore have learned to rely on people less. It is very uncomfortable for me to be put in that situation. Maybe that is why I am stuck – I am trying to distance myself somewhat from someone, but find it very difficult to do so. I will keep searching today…I need to get back to where I was. Thinking about you all.
Michelle Homme 2010 ©