More afraid of not…

I was watching a movie over the holiday weekend and heard a phrase similar to this one and it struck me as something that I needed to explore more. I used to live with fear and being afraid of living for a very long time. It always appeared to me that if there was something good or bad that could happen, the bad seemed to be the one that should up more often. So what did I learn? That if I took chances, I usually lost. Seriously. So, I didn’t take them. I became conditioned to play it safe. To not make waves. To do what was expected of me. To follow the rules already written for me. Here is where I am right now…I am more afraid of NOT following my heart than of not. It hurts more to sit and do nothing than to write these words, maybe thinking they might impress themselves on someone else and therefore, make a difference. Being scared has created a shell that I lived in to follow the norm and live under the radar. Now, I am out there…taking chances that may include some skinned up knees and some failings. But I will have the scars to prove that I tried. That I was there. That I stood for something. That I took chances despite the failings and I picked myself back up to go back for more. That I never gave up and kept fighting for what I loved and treasured most. Are you afraid? Why aren’t you shaking so much in your boots that you KNOW that keeping still and staying silent is no longer for you. Let your heart breathe. Feel the pure joy that others can bring to you, if you let them. Open up and stay strong, even when you want to run. Be afraid of monotony and spice things up a bit with new knowledge and unknown travels yet to be discovered. Be afraid. I have been given a mission with no itinerary and no final destination. I do not know how I will get there, but will expand what I share with others so as to make this world better. I have to…it is what calls to me. I cannot ignore it and it becomes almost self-propelled with all of the force of an avalanche barreling down a snow-covered mountainside. But it is not destructive; it is constructive. I am more afraid of doing nothing than I am of standing still…even if I am smack-dab right in the middle of that same mountainside.

Michelle Homme 2011 ©