Have you ever taken such a big chance that you cannot go back to where you once were? To know that to do so would not be in your best interest, but would actually make you worse off in the long run? Taking chances can be scary and I remember someone telling me that having the courage to take that leap can be the most freeing moment and I started thinking more about what I want for my life in 2012. More to come on that later, but for now, know that the wheels are turning. I am sitting here trying to remember how I got to where I am right now and trying to figure out at what moment did I pass the point of no return. Was it when I started this blog, knowing that I had given the information to friends and they would now be able to see what I was so excited about? Was it when I became accountable to Rocky when she came to my house to get me into shape at 5am? Was it when I started believing more in myself and allowing others to see more of the real me? Was it when I shared my thoughts with other women and started the G.I.F.T.? Was it when I said in public for the first time that my dream was to be a motivational speaker for teenagers? Was it the reaching out to others that might be able to help me pursue that dream? Was it the willingness to explore new things (shopping) or allow new people to break down the walls? Was it putting trust and faith into those people and things because of what my heart tells me, not my head? Was it a combination of any of these things or people? But when, specifically, did I get to the point of no return? Have I even been there yet or do I just think I have? I know there are a lot of questions here, but here is what I do know. I am not the same person I was when I really started this journey almost 2 years ago. I have grown into someone that I have always wanted to be and continue to grow and give more than I ever have. I have learned to not run when situations get difficult, but also know how many people truly love me. I also learned what they would do for me, even if I didn’t want them to. I know that I am here for a reason and continue to try to see the reasons for my being here in everything I do, say, in the people I meet, and where my next steps will take me. I know I am human and have human emotions, even if they are not understood by others. I know I have a huge heart and have allowed myself to be more vulnerable and have shed tears where they never would have come before. I wouldn’t allow it. I know I give hugs all the time and they are not the woosy, one-armed hugs or barely touch you hugs, either. They are both arms, bring you close, hold on to you kind of hugs. I know I gave out more yesterday to co-workers wishing them a Merry Christmas than I ever had before. I know I have a husband and three sons that think the world of me and many other friends who just might think the same. I know I want to have an impact on the people that I come in contact with and those that I will never meet. I know I have to continue to inspire others who want something different in their lives. I know making those choices is not easy, but also know it gives us confidence like we never thought we had. I know that I can talk alot and think even more and don’t always let others have their two cents. I know I need to apologize for that. I know I get off track sometimes and need a little kick in the pants to get me going again. I know it takes me a couple of days to get something that I should have figured out right then, but I am slow. I know that this world and life can begin when you want it to and you change the simplest of things and then that leads to bigger changes. I know that I am grateful for the life I have been given and would not change a single thing. I know for me, I continue to challenge myself in ways I never thought possible and will keep moving forward. I know there may be days I take baby steps and others days when I am ready to jump off a 575 foot building (yes, still on my list of things to do). I know I read a lot and will work at being my “best me” all the time. I know I will find success and unfortunately, I will fail as well. I know I need to forgive myself and forgive others. I know I need to let this life lead me to places I have never been before and will “embrace the journey.” I know I am here for the duration and will treasure my place in this world as I know the world will ever change. I know nothing stays the same. Where are you in your life? I know that you will absolutely love where you are going and it may make you afraid of the unknown. But because we are on this rollercoaster ride, when you get strapped into your seat and you start to pull away from the platform, you will have reached the point of no return.
Michelle Homme 2011 ©