So, I was thinking…

I know that is a scary thought. Please do not be too alarmed. In hindsight, I have posted about wondering how I got to “here” and how my life has changed. But today, I was thinking if I could even imagine what my life would be like if it had stayed the same as it was almost 20 months ago. I would still probably be 35 pounds heavier, slowly crawling through the episodes of life, and you would never would have read one word from this blog. Not one. As much as I try to imagine what it would be like going back (or still living) my old life, it is almost impossible. unfathomable. Seriously? Seriously. Things are so different now…for the good…that I am not sure that I could ever really picture me being here right now…living my old life. Being the person I USED to be. Feeling the way I USED to feel. Living the way I USED to live. I am very confident when I say that I know Rock would not be here and I would not have opened my heart to her and the many other wonderful people who I have let see the real me. It would not have happened. I finally got over having regrets and everything that went with them – whether it was saying things and wishing I could take it back to not following my heart when it’s beat was so loud it left a pounding echo in its wake. I change every day…I recommit to this life and all that it will bring my way, whether it is good or bad as things happen as they are meant to. I search for the strength and courage to do things I never thought about, let alone think they were possible. Now, there are no barriers that will stop me. There are no words that will make me question what I am setting out to do and who I am meant to be. No, I just cannot think I could imagine my old life and me being in it. Sure, I cannot undo what has been done, but I can make it better. I can at least try, anyway. That is what I am determined to do. Even if I fail and am not sure how to fix it. With the understanding that my life will never be the same again. Ever.

Michelle Homme 2011 ©

 

 

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