Some situations are just difficult

I know this seems redundant, but I seem to be in more situations that make me feel uncomfortable and then I turn into something I am not. Fear kicks in and then I regret later. Point is that I do not like attention on me – it can be on my sons or something I am talking about, but not me. Even though the attention is good, I just don’t like the fuss. Just let me quietly sneak out the back door and let it be over. I am good with that. Even when I was younger and attention came my way, I didn’t like it. There is a picture of me when I was in 9th grade where I am accepting one of many awards that day, but you would think that I was going to jail based on my facial expression. Accolades and nice compliments should make me happy, but for some reason, I want to run from them as fast as I can. In my job, some people believe that because I am out in the community and meeting new people that I am someone who thrives on that kind of attention. Truth is, I would much rather do something anonymously than ever receive a hint of credit. I am a giver by nature and do not receive well. Recently, I have been called the “b” word – no it is not what you think. “Beautiful” is what has been mentioned to me over the course of a couple of weeks, and I would never in a million years use that word as a way to describe me. There are many other ways to describe me, but as this online journal seems to be taking on a life of its own, I have to be ready to go into unchartered waters. I have to swallow hard and “embrace the journey” that is before me. I love being me now that I let the world see it, but just wish people wouldn’t notice, that’s all. How is that for a conundrum? If I can find a way to get over this, and accept (maybe not welcome – that might be a stretch right now) whatever attention comes my way, then that will be big. The most important step we ever take is the first one. Have a fantabulous Friday!

Michelle Homme 2011 ©