Too much?

Have you ever wondered after you said something to someone if you said too much? Not that you would take anything back or that you said the wrong thing, but just too much? Sometimes, I think that after I have said something that is me…laying it all out there…no walls…and yet I question if it was too much. Is it too much when you tell someone what they mean to you? Is it too much when you are completely honest for the first time about something that has torn at you, little by little? Is it too much to give more than you would ever expect to receive? I have learned a valuable lesson this week. One that I did not expect to learn, but I was paying attention when I saw them grouped together. Several people responded in ways that told me that they love me. Sometimes, it was the smile I got when they saw me first thing in the morning. Other times, it was when they spent their lunch hours with me, listening intently as I share my dream and where the road is taking me. My favorite are the hugs I get when I give one to those that tell me they don’t want to let go. The best…by far…the best is when they simply came out and said, “I love you”. Some from people who never had said that to me before. But they did. And I did. We went there…where we had never gone before (no, no Star Trek theme here, but kinda sorta). And if I were to ask them if they regretted saying it, none would say “yes.” Neither would I. I write. And I share like never before…this is a perfect example of this and I have NEVER regretted it. I have told people recently that they will learn more about me by reading my blog than they may have learned in years of actually knowing me. I was surprised today when a friend (ok, Rocky) told me that she reads this blog all the time. I do not know why that surprised me, but it did. And for some reason I still cannot explain even hours later, why I started to cry as we walked this morning. Then, later…it really hit me. So I sent her a text and told her EXACTLY what I was thinking and feeling at THAT VERY MOMENT. It couldn’t wait. I wanted her to know that I was thinking about her. I am not ashamed by what I told her and even though it really didn’t need to be said at that precise time, I needed to say it right then. Otherwise, the feeling would have subsided and it would have been lost. Sometimes, we worry about hearing what shouldn’t be said instead of what should be said regardless of whether or not someone wants to hear it. The truth hurts sometimes, even if it is not meant to hurt. Would you rather do too much or not enough? So far, I have never had anyone tell me that me telling them what they mean to me and how grateful I am to have them life was too much. That they don’t want to hear it. It can’t ever be too much. It just can’t. “Say what you need to say.”I am saying this so everyone can read it, even though I told you this already today. Rocky – this journey would not be what it is had it not been for you. I am stronger and am more confident knowing you are right there beside me. Every day…I am more grateful for you than I was the day before. I love you. Rule 22. JS

Michelle Homme 2011 ©