How do you help someone who won’t let you? Who won’t take your calls? Who needs you? How do reach out to someone who isn’t willing to reach back, even though it is difficult? How do you tell someone that you care so much? I am in such a predicament now. Most of the time, I am pretty good at hiding my emotions, but have spent my entire life doing that, so I am not doing it anymore. Even my husband doesn’t usually see my vulnerable side. Last night, he asked me what was wrong and why I wasn’t “myself.” As I rolled over in bed, I simply said, “I miss my friend.” Today, he inquired more and I told that she has closed herself off from the everyone and I haven’t spoken to her in some time. In truth, I was up at 4am not being able to sleep. So what do I do at 4am? I write. I write in a journal I keep next to my bed, using a pen with a little light at the end so I don’t wake my husband. Here is the irony – she gave me that pen (knowing that I sometimes have to write in the middle of the night – she has seen it first hand) and I am using it to write about her. She told me that I was stuck with her for a very long time, even when I did not believe that about anyone, but especially her. She needs to know that she is stuck with me for a very long time and her shutting me out will not ever change that. I believe that she will open herself back up to the world. I know she needs me, but perhaps she doesn’t know how to start over. I wish she knew that she does not have to do this alone – that people love her and care about her and will be there for her. Two people can do more than one person can – “Two are better off than one, because together they can work more effectively. If one of them falls down, the other can help him up. Two people can resist an attack that would defeat one person alone. A rope made of three cords is hard to break.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9. I will not give up on her just as she did not give up on me. I don’t know why she didn’t, even when I am sure that it was more difficult than she thought it should be and at times, maybe didn’t even understand me. I want to give her a big hug and tell her that we are in this together. I am not going anywhere, and hope she reaches soon. This temporary world she has allowed herself to be placed in does no one any good. It would be like knowing you are going to run in a marathon, but doing nothing to prepare for it. Eventually, reality will show itself again. Regardless of when, please know that I am here, whenever you are ready.
Michelle Homme 2011 ©