What do you deserve?

Now, before you start rattling off all of the things in your life that you don’t have that you feel are owed to you, hear me out. There are always things that happen to us that everyone would agree that we don’t deserve. Usually the things we think we don’t deserve are bad and negative and the things we think we are “owed” are good and positive. I don’t think I have ever heard anyone say, “I deserve to have my heart-broken, so that I can learn how to heal.” or “I deserve to struggle so that I can learn how to fight for what I want.” You and I both know it. In my past, I have often (perhaps even too much) questioned those things that were good. I felt that if they were good that I did not deserve them; that luck somehow found it in my direction and it would eventually go away. It would not be sustained. I did not know how to sustain any of it anyway, so I would just let it run its course. There are certain basic expectations as humans that we deserve – we deserve to have enough food to eat and clean water to drink…we deserve to feel safe in our own homes…we deserve to be loved. My husband and I have been married for almost 22 years and been together for over 25 years. I deserve to be loved by him and he has committed to me fully since we took our vows many years ago. I have always questioned whether or not I deserve other people to care about and love me. I did not think I was worthy and that I did not deserve their committment to me. I was told recently that a friend deserves me and that I deserve her. We both have “baggage” and yet have found a great, once in a lifetime friendship, despite all we bring to the table. That baggage makes us who we are today. It is huge for me to admit what I deserve because I have never wanted to assert that before. I deserve her and all that she is to me. I poured out my heart to her recently and even though she never said anything to me about it, she deserved to hear it – exactly what I was feeling and thinking. We all deserve to smile and laugh and pursue our dreams. We all need to feel, without question, that we are worthy. Even through grief, even through anger, through it all. You deserve it. So do I. And once you have it, fight to keep it. Fight to keep it as long as what you will keep is worth more than what you would lose. I deserve to give you all I have and all I am and you deserve to use it in whatever way you choose. We get what we deserve so that we can use it going forward, to mold us into who we are meant to be. We deserve each other…do not ever forget or question it.

Michelle Homme 2011 ©

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