What do signs in our life mean? How should we interpret them? Am I reading too much into things that keep coming up? Maybe I should let them be. Nah, I don’t think I can do that either. I’m in a quandary now and I am trying to figure it out. Maybe you can help. Some people have no answers for me right now. Let me re-phrase that…the only answer I can come up with is very drastic and not sure I am there yet to make that decision. Yet, I question why these situations keep happening. I am trying so hard and yet struggle with it every day. I’m not sure there is a happy medium or middle ground. I believe that this is a test to see where I really am committed and really have to dig deep to see what I can do. I came across this quote today and wanted to share it with you…“The jump is so frightening between where I am and where I want to be…because of all I may become, I will close my eyes and leap.” – MaryAnn Radmacher. Over a year ago, I told someone, “The biggest dilemma will not be in finding out what you are meant to do. It will be having the courage to do it.” Do I have that kind of courage? Am I ready to take that leap? I don’t know. I feel like I am being sent messages, but either are not understanding them completely or am afraid of their true meaning because I would need to act on them. How do I know what to do next? How do I know when is the right time? I have talked recently about being “All in” – when do I know when to go “all in”? Am I just playing around the pool, dabbling my toes every so often, just to get my feet a little wet? Do I slowly wade into the pool from the shallow end and gradually get into the deeper water? Or do I just jump in (aka go “all in”)? I don’t believe in coincidence – everything happens for a reason. Someone recently told me that there is so much of me that I don’t show the world and that is my moxie. Yet, there are times when I am discouraged from “showing my moxie” – so what to do? If I stop and think about this, I have been dabbling by the pool…getting a little wet each time I stuck a toe in the water. But here is the thing…I only keep getting my toes wet. I need to get more of me in the water to really feel it. My toes are getting the reward but it is not quenching the thirst for the water for the rest of my body. I have to put more into the water, but not sure if slowly wading into the pool works either. You know that feeling when the water around you feels cooler than what you felt before you went into the water, and you walk slower thinking it makes it better, but in reality as you gather your breath and get more of yourself into the water, you actually feel better. But you have to get over those first couple of minutes of hesitation, of nervousness, of fear. You have not been swallowed, but you are immersed into what you are in and all of the hesitation, nervousness, and fear have subsided. You are back in control and are right again. That is where I am – trying to decide. Any ideas?
Michelle Homme 2011 ©